Happier and Whole
by bjaarcy
Summary: Healing is hard - in my case it gave me delusions, voices in my mind and let me planned a near suicide mission. Thank God Jacob saved me. Taken during New Moon before Bella jumps off the cliff :D Lame title but its TEAMJACOB!
1. Chapter 1

Heyloooo xD Here's something I thought of when I was reading Eclipse again. :P THIS IS FOR ALL YOU TEAM JACOB OR JACOB&BELLA FANS OUT THERE! :D Though I thought of this when I was reading Eclipse, this takes place in New Moon in Bella's POV :) (If you didn't get the summary, Bella decides against jumping off the cliff)

PS The first 2 lines of this 5shot, in this chappy, is LITERALLY from New Moon before Bella jumps. Go find it ;)

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer; she doesn't write with this much smileys xD

* * *

_Well, why not? Why not quench it right now? Jacob promised me cliff diving, hadn't he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badly?…_

_No!_ the left over bits of my sanity screamed. _Don't do it Bella_, sanity shouted. _Why not?_ I asked quietly. _Think about Charlie, Renee and Jacob. Would they allow you to do this alone?_ sanity asked. _But I want – no NEED – the distraction!_ I yelled in my head. Sanity tried to comfort me, _Don't worry. When Jacob comes, you'll see – him – again…_

As you can see sanity convinced me.

I sighed at myself since I let sanity win. I drove away from the road up the cliff before I really did something stupid. I drove up the Black's drive way and I could see Billy at the door anxious. Stopping the engine I got out and went over to him.

"What's wrong Billy?" I asked innocently.

He sighed, "Emily called me a few minutes ago with some sad news." My expression must have told him to go on. "It's Harry Clearwater. He had a heart attack." He sighed again. "I'm waiting for Em to drive me to the hospital."

Oh. My. God.

"Oh no! It'll be okay Billy," I tried to comfort him. It failed since he looked down with sad eyes. I sighed. "Would you like me to drop you off to Emily's place or the hospital?" I asked.

He looked up and shook his head with a small smile. "It's okay Bella; Emily's on her way. Thanks for the offer though…" he trailed off.

I waited with him for 5 minutes when Emily came down the road. Once she parked her minivan next to mine, I helped her put Billy in the van.

Once they were both in the van I looked through the windows and hoped, "He'll be okay. I hope so…"

Emily nodded with a smile and dismissed Billy and herself.

As they drove off sanity came inside my head once again. _See? Aren't you glad that you didn't jump the cliff now? If you had, and something terrible happened, Charlie would be all alone…_ I shook my head. What? Now I have 2 voices in my head?! At least one voice was one I liked. This new sanity voice thing was annoying the hell outta me.

Instead of going back to the beach I stayed at the Blacks' place. It was quite. Super quiet since my delusions and sanity didn't bother me. I tried to watch TV to no avail. (All the shows were soaps about rich, snobby people's _love_ lives…)

Walking over to the kitchen for food I stopped looking at the fridge. Tens, no, it seemed like hundreds of pictures were stacked upon each other. There was one of Jacob's sisters, Rachel and Rebecca when they were (probably around) 10. There was one of a cute little 5-year-old Jake Black. There was one of Billy when he was younger and not in his wheelchair. I sifted through a few pictures and felt something was missing though I couldn't be quite sure of it. I looked through more pictures of family meetings, photos of being with the rest of the tribe and of course candid captures. Underneath all the pictures though, there was 2 that caught my eye. The one on the left was one of the entire family: Billy, Rachel, Rebecca, Jake and his mom. The one beside it was just a solo of Mrs. Black. I wondered why these beautiful photos were underneath all the other ones. Once I asked myself that, I suddenly knew the answer. So this was what was missing. Mrs. Black died; I didn't know how or why, but she did. The others didn't want to acknowledge that by seeing these pictures.

Sighing again, I finally thanked my sanity for not letting me jump that stupid cliff. If I had, I would not only be hurting my parents but Jacob too. He was part of me and I was part of him. It would be terrible for him if something bad happened to me. I didn't want Jacob to hurt that way.

Sanity chuckled with pride to my annoyance. Then I heard the door creak open.

Who would come here now? I was sure Billy was still at the hospital. _A thief?_ I wondered randomly. Startled, I looked for something to use as a defense. I grabbed the first thing I saw not even acknowledging what the heck I picked up. I tiptoed to the front with my unknown weapon high in the air. Soon as I saw Jake at the door and I dropped my hand an inch.

"Bella?" Jake asked.

I sighed in relief, "Oh. Hi Jake. Sorry, thought you were someone else." I giggled.

He laughed louder. "Uh Bella? What are you doing with a banana?" he asked eyeing my now known weapon.

After staring at the banana, I looked down and flushed with embarrassment. "Oh. So this is my weapon. Wonderful," I muttered.

"Weapon?" Jake chuckled again. He took a step towards me and took the banana out my hand. I saw his expression; he wondered why I had a banana.

Giggling again, I answered, "I heard the door open and I thought it was someone dangerous… I thought it was a thief so I grabbed something for defense… Apparently it was a banana," I confessed.

Jacob laughed at my theory. "Nice one Bells."

Soon he peeled open the banana and ate the fruit.

* * *

4 more chappies to go! :)

x o x o bjaarcy


	2. Chapter 2

It's now 5 months since Harry died and it's taken its toll on Charlie. Feeling halfway human again it was my turn to take care of Charlie as he did when I was… somewhat dead.

The first few weeks were the hardest of course. I couldn't mention anything about Harry or anything that would make him think of Harry. I truly got scared at one point though because the Saturday Harry died, Charlie didn't go fishing. I tried to tease him about it but it changed nothing of how he felt for his lost friend.

The next several weeks after the funeral were better. Charlie went fishing again because he missed it but he still had a sad look on his face. Whenever we went to Billy's he wasn't as enthusiastic anymore. Football games only meant "time to watch TV" not "time to go watch happily with friends".

Being human though, he got better. Charlie accepted the fact that his close friend had gone on and was now somewhere watching over him and Billy.

As I thought about Charlie's healing process I thought of myself with my healing process.

Charlie got better in what? Half the time I got better? _Less_ than half? I sighed shaking my head. _At least Charlie tried_, I thought glumly. I… I didn't even know what I did. I did nothing. The horror took over me and I went to study calculus to take my mind off it.

Calculus was not helpful.

I went over the same question about 5 times before I realized I couldn't do any work. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I slumped onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours and thought about the Swan's healing processes some more.

Charlie tried. Although it was harder than usual for him, he tried to grasp that Harry was gone. He tried to go back to his regular life. He tried to move on.

I didn't. I did nothing at all. I was dead. I didn't and couldn't grasp that – he – was gone. I didn't and couldn't go back to my old life. I didn't try to move on.

That was when I started to cry.

It hurt to think about this. Me being like this. _Edward_ leaving like that. I took 5 deep breaths in attempt to keep myself together. It worked. Trying to hold on to how much of me was together I thought of Jacob.

Jacob.

I was glad I found him. Or he found me. Or whatever order. We found each other. He was helping me feel halfway human again even if he was all human himself. I laughed at that thought. _We're both halfway human_, I thought with a chuckle. I knew this kind of bond would go and grow bone deep and I was glad. He was my best friend in any world and for that I was thankful.

* * *

Aww(?) xD

x o x o bjaarcy


	3. Chapter 3

It's summer – or rather a no-sun summer – vacation at Forks. I graduated my senior year and after summer I would be off to a college close to Forks.

Though I didn't necessarily like Forks in general, I loved the people here.

Angela Weber, my only and fully human, best (girl) friend was there for me through the wraths of Lauren. Her boyfriend Ben Cheney was also very cordial to me. Mike slowly but eventually accepted we would only and always stay friends. I was glad and he and I got off better than we did when we first met. Those were just a few small reasons why I loved Forks though. There was my father. He took me in and helped me feel as comfortable as I could once I got here. Charlie and I were very similar. We didn't like talking about emotions much to save embarrassment as he and I skipped dances even more to save our dignity. Lastly, but certainly not least, there was Jacob Black. Jacob Black my very best friend who dealt with me when I was struggling to hold on to the left over scraps of my life. The bond was so deep that even I held on to him when he was a very dangerous and young werewolf.

I smiled absently at the thought of Jake.

Then I remembered what I had to do.

Although it was summer vacation I got curious enough to learn how to speak Quileute. A conversation between him and Quil really got me interested – surprisingly. Jacob was tutoring me and giving me lessons just like when we were using the bikes (which by the way, are still safely hidden and only used when Jacobs knows I need some serious cheering up).

Driving over to the Blacks' place – where we were studying this week – I reviewed what I learned last time. Though I just barely got started, I quickly learned how to greet someone, how to politely ask for something and how to start a conversation. Jacob was proud of me. When Charlie and Billy found out, they were surprised but happy as well. Whenever I watched their faces though when I was with Jake, they were happy course, but I found out there was something beneath that. Whether it was good or bad I couldn't tell.

"Hey Bella!" Jake greeted. I answered in Quileute and he gave me a high 5. "Good job, you remembered!"

This week we were learning how to keep a conversation going. Since Billy was gone we tried (or rather I tried while he flaunted his ability to speak another language) to talk about the bikes.

I asked him how to say different types of lines related to the bikes in English and he responded with Quileute. I copied him though the words came out stuttered and wrong with my terrible accents which came when I try to speak something other than English.

Failing once again at trying to say one word, Jacob laughed. "You have good memory and learning skills when it comes to different languages Bells, but you suck at trying to say one word that's not English!"

My cheeks burned red with embarrassment and anger. It cooled down quickly once I had a comeback. "Oh whatever Jake! Imagine trying this with our positions switched!"

He laughed again. "Sure it would be hard, but our positions aren't switched and this is very entertaining for me!"

At that I had to laugh. We laughed for another minute then he stared into my eyes.

There was never a time where he and I stared into each other's eyes which made us feel uncomfortable… This though was different. When I gazed into Jacob's dark chestnut eyes (amazing eyes he does have by the way!) there was something different. I could tell it was more of Charlie and Billy's mysterious hidden expression which I couldn't decipher. Uncomprehending, I stared some more into my best friend's eyes. Then I understood.

Jake and I were friends but this revelation meant that our _friend_ship was clearly over because we were more than that. I didn't know how; I didn't know when… but somehow I fell in love with this big werewolf who was and will always be my best guy. When I was broken and hurt, bleeding after – ugh, Edward (pains came when I thought his name) – left and Jacob stepped in and stitched me up. Along the way, he saved me from myself and protects me with his life.

Realizing my epiphany Jake leaned toward me hesitantly. I flinched back for a moment because the me before this epiphany took over. The new me regained control and I closed my eyes.

Our lips met with slow, building (and to be honest, crazy) passion. His warm lips were warm and inviting, moving in ways mine have never moved before. Like I mentioned, the kiss was building and soon I felt a snap in me. I wanted Jacob. My lips, crazed with desire, begged for more. Jake happily answered.

That one kiss let to a small make out session. When our lips finally let go of each other our breaths were ragged but we were certainly not finished. My hands were tangled in his hair and I kept them there. His mouth found their way to my throat and soon they were circling my collarbone.

His face came back to mine and I saw his eyes wanted more. This time I leaned forward and kissed him. This kiss was passionate and sweet. It reminded me of sweet and juicy strawberries coated with sugar. I tried to let the kiss go as long as it could then our faces were apart and my breath came in a wild gasp.

"Woah," I breathed.

"Definitely," he answered.

We looked away awkwardly for a moment. What had happened? Answer: we (or rather I) realized we loved each other. That's what was lying underneath Billy and Charlie's expressions. They were waiting for this. Though this would usually make me want to scream out in anger for their suspicion, this time made me want to sing and dance with joy.

I love Jacob Black, my best friend. He loved me back too.

Amazing.

"I love you," he muttered out with a tone of embarrassment.

I blushed and kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

Woahs. Intense and adorable! :D:D

x o x o bjaarcy


	4. Chapter 4

We made it, I thought happily. A year! One full year of being married. I smiled wide. Luckily inside the car was dark and Jacob seemed preoccupied on trying to get home not to notice my grinning.

Jacob and I were soon seen as an item after our first kiss. Though we never really confirmed anything everyone passed along what they heard, which were, for the most part, true. Jake and I stayed as close as possible throughout our time in college. Like I mentioned, though everyone knew we were together, Jake and I still acted like incredibly close friends… who loved each other passionately.

Thinking of how far me and Jake have gotten I thought of the night we got engaged.

x **BxJ** – **JxB** x

I just threw my black graduation cap in the air. Amazing. I made it through high school and college! Yes! After that thought though, I couldn't remember what happened. All I could remember was joyful tears in my eyes and my arms passing along from warm hug to warm hug. (I could tell which one was Renee's; I could smell her powerful yet sweet perfume.) The (other) hug I could tell apart was the scorching hot bear hug I got from my boyfriend, Jacob Black.

He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, "Congrats Bells."

"Thanks," I said stuffing my face into his chest.

**BxJ** x **JxB**

We drove down to Seattle where Jake saved us a seat in an expensive (well, from my point of view) restaurant. Jake said his name and the maitre d' lead us through a crowd of people, tables and waiters. Finally, we walked into a small, dark and intimate room where there was 1 table. It was small and intimate just like the room though it was everything but dark. You could clearly see the table with the shining silverware and the tall, bright candles.

The dinner which followed was just as exquisite. Though it was Jacobs's favourite food – big steak, potatoes and a few small green things – I still enjoyed the meal. We ate in silence; I knew words might hurt the moment ("the moment" in my book was of course currently defined as: being with him, happily graduated).

The silence between us started to get annoying though I broke the silence. "So, when did you decide since it was _my_ graduation to have _your_ favourite meal on the plates?" I teased.

He laughed. "Since _I_ decided to take you out in the first place." He grinned that old Jacob-y smile I loved.

I laughed with him then leaned toward his lips to kiss him. It was weird when I kissed him though. He was hesitant but I was sure it wasn't about the kiss. Moving away from him slowly I watched his face. He really did kind of look anxious. I didn't realize that before.

My eyes gave away my suspicion and soon Jake said, "Don't worry about it Bells. Tonight's your night." He winked.

**BxJ** x **JxB**

After the great dinner, we took a walk around First Beach in La Push. I was joyful to be back here in La Push, my second home. We walked in silence hand in hand for 10 minutes. I turned to the moon and I could see its bright light trying to go around Forks' dense clouds. I knew Jacob even better than I knew myself so I could easily tell something was up… It kind of reminded me of how Charlie was when he wanted to talk to me about something – "soften me up" as he said.

I broke the calming but empty silence first. "So, whatcha wanna talk about Jake? I'm softened up to the core." I chuckled.

He laughed in harmony. "I knew you'd notice me doing this just to soften you up a little."

"Well?"

He took a deep breath. "You know I love you right Bella?" he said, serious.

I looked towards him to see his eyes. Those were serious too.

Hesitantly, I answered, "Of course! And don't worry Jake, I love you too." I was really worried now but I tried to hide that with a smile.

He took another hesitant but deep breath… Then he slid down to one knee with a small opened box (of course, the box revealed a small, beautiful ring). I blushed until I knew I was red to my hairline and my shoulders started to feel the warmth of my cheeks.

"Isabella Swan, I love you to the point I agree to marry you. Even if you're a danger magnet, even if I'm a werewolf, I love you. Will you marry me? Don't worry, I asked your parents…" he murmured, asked and confessed with the most warming Jacob-y smile I've ever seen. The moon's light busted through the clouds as if to shine just for this moment.

For the first few seconds as he stood on his knee I was shocked but hesitant. Married before 30, Renee I'm sure would have something to say about that. _"Don't worry, I asked your parents"_ then hit me with more shock but it was accompanied this time by happiness. This amazing, special guy wanted _me_!

I bent down to both my knees and took the ring with a nod, unable to trust my voice. I kissed him lightly on the cheek.

He was joyful but his voice was a little worried, "Bella, you should get off the sand. It'll ruin your pretty dre –" I cut him off with a kiss that defined my moment of happiness.

The moon's light shined brighter.

x **BxJ** – **JxB** x

We got home from the lovely dinner for our one-year anniversary and then Jake noticed my happiness.

"Why you so happy about Bells?" he asked with a smile and inviting warm hug.

"Just amazed, Jake… You know I love you right?"

"Course," he answered with a wink.

I smiled with the joyful relief that I was officially happier and whole again.

* * *

I love writing about engagements! :D

x o x o bjaarcy


	5. Chapter 5

Awww last chappy! Oh well, I hope you liked it and REVIEWED IT! ;D LOL, anyways, I hope you enjoy this chappy!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Twilight… If I did, Taylor Lautner would be with me right now. Since I don't own the saga though, I'll keep dreaming! XD

* * *

"Edward Jacob, you know you're not allowed to make fun of your sister like that," I scolded my son.

Edward Jacob Black was a beautiful little 5-year-old boy. His unkempt hair was just past his shoulders and flied in various directions. His face looked exactly like his father's, long and sharp in places even though he was just a little boy. I was there in his features though. My chocolate eyes were imprinted upon his face and his hair was the same texture as Charlie's. EJ's skin was the same as Jacob's, beautiful in a red-brown tone.

Isabella Anne Black was EJ's minute older sister. Her hair flowed down in a beautiful braid to her waist. Her face was very similar to mine; soft and round which would stay with her even past her childhood. Jake was there in her features though. His dark chestnut eyes were implanted onto her face and her hair was amazingly the same texture was Billy's. Her skin was almost as pale as mine but with a mysterious and pretty red-brown tone.

"Sorry, Ma…" EJ apologized with a pout.

I sighed with a smile. "Go to your sister; that's who you should apologize to."

He smiled a familiar and adorable smile and ran off screaming, "I'm sorry Isabella!"

I smiled remembering how we got to name my little children in the first place.

x **BxJ** – **JxB** x

Once I found out I was pregnant (with twins too), Jake nearly fainted. I told Billy, my-father-in-law, about his reaction and Billy laughed like there was no tomorrow. Jake muttered something about not being able to have any secrets anymore.

After a few appointments, the doctors already knew I was having 1 boy and 1 girl. I knew exactly what the boy would be named.

I would name him Edward Jacob.

My father was against having my first child named after the one man who broke me so deeply. I quickly explained to him that if he hadn't broken me, I wouldn't be here with Jake and my family. My persuasion paid off. Charlie surrendered muttering something about giving his grandson a nickname so he wouldn't call him Edward. Charlie kept his promise; he called my baby boy Mini Jake. (Little EJ really did look like Jacob though!)

I wasn't so sure on the girl's name. Book after book, I read about girl names for my little child and still got nothing. It was Jacob who suggested the girl's name to be mine.

It shocked me at first. I couldn't understand why my child should be named after me. Jake explained that if he was going to have a beautiful baby girl, he would want to call and name her after the most beautiful person he knew – which was apparently me. He also persuaded me more by saying if one child gets named after the parents, both the kids get named after the parents. The only thing he asked for was that if pain was going to be in the names as well, he said he wanted the middle name to be Anne – after his mother.

"Isabella Anne," Jake said quietly.

Everyone (happily) agreed to the names.

x **BxJ** – **JxB** x

Jacob was out with the rest of the pack so I brought my children to First Beach.

Memories flooded through me. I sighed with a smile and stared into the horizon.

I chased my children alongside the shore. I splashed and laughed with them as we swam for 2 hours. Being the mother I was, I scolded them in Quileute if they did something bad like throwing sand.

After about another hour of swimming my children got tired and asked to go home. I dried them off as much as possible trying not to wet the seats of my ancient truck (which I still amazingly had). As we drove home, for a moment I thought I could see one of my old delusions again. It was amazing as far as delusions went. His perfect face, eyes, body… Edward Cullen's face looked pained though, not angry, like my usual delusions. It confused me, what triggered this? I blinked for a moment and then he was gone. I shook my head but then randomly noticed that the trees shook as if someone inhumanly fast ran past them.

* * *

YAAAY! It's done. So, you like? I'm not much of a TeamJacob person since I'm more TeamSWITZERLAND myself. Although, I hope you Jake and Bella fans like this!

x o x o bjaarcy

PS I didn't know Jake's mom's name so I chose Anne. Hope that's okay!


End file.
